Monday, January 22, 2007


As my words dance and come together in harmony I lose track of the fact
that I write, I create, I express, and that this is an exercise and a
meditation. I've kept a diary since I was 18, the idea first struck me
when I saw Doogie Howser do it on a TV show. You know that show about
the precocious genius young doctor who tackled questions of life, death
and suffering at the tender age of 17, as an MD. Every show ended with
Doogie writing of his day on his computer before going to sleep. if I
remember correctly he was encouraged to do it by his father who said
that Doogie would only realize later it's importance. As far back as I
can remember I wanted to be great. I read the biographies of great men
and consistently I was struck by how seriously they took themselves and
their work - whatever it was. They consistently believed they were a
part of something important and had the capacity to understand their
place in history. As evidence of this they always kept a diary and
wrote long beautiful poetic letters to family and loved ones. As I was
head off to NYU I knew my moment had arrived. I felt New York, my
youth and the world all come together, I took the first step, i started
writing. I have 10 years worth of diaries now, through my university
years, on deep philosophical theories, parts of screenplays, and then
subsequently through my work and travels in sub-saharan Africa, my work
in education in the inner-city in new york, my political campaigns
through 40 states (with anarchists!), my new age guruness in ecuador,
my human rights work in Colombia and most recently shaking hands with
Fidel on may day in Havana. Its been a long strange trip baby and now
I am in italy and it feels like my life is only now just begining.
Italy is where i will turn 30. Where I will begin anew. Its the
perfect place to be 30 because most italian men at this age are still
living with their mother. The perfect rythym for me.

As you all know I am not a big fan of technology, computers and the
internet, especially the internet. It is over-rated and touted as a
revolution when it's really the new TV. I don't deny its revolutionary
impact - possible only if one is media literate and bright enough to
use it well. Most of us are not and waste time in front of this screen
when we need to be amongst the mountains, the bees and the sycamore
trees. That said, i do use this medium and try to use it as
intelligently as possible. Blogs have always fascinated me and I know
that if done well make a big difference in making democracy livelier
and vibrant. Thus i will make regular updates every friday. Some will
be profound and long, others will be short and innocuous, but it will
happen and work to develop a consistency and dialogue to ideas that
have deep importance to living in 2007. Its taken me awhile to
understand the importance of e-writing ( i am slow) and this year the
blog world will have a gaboworld. Here is to a gaboworld.

As a special something though it can be its own entry a little somthing
I wrote about that four letter word, love.

The opposite of love is not hate but fear.

The more I love another the happier they become. If they are not used
to love they become addicted to my love. Eventually my capacity to
love deeply comes back to haunt me in the form of guilt, emotional
blackmail and a feeling of inadequacy. The passions wane and the
others then take it personal, unable to accept that the magic is gone
they blame themselves. Insecurity sets in, an acceptance of the truth,
that things are different, become hard to grasp. We keep wanting more
and more. Though the more we want the less we are able to reach it
because the love we had arose out of surprise, a lack of desire and
expectation. It happened upon us and I have the faith that it can
happen again, that the capacity to love is limitless though not
permanent. 5 minutes and 500 years all amount to the same proof of its
possibility, though how long it lasts and if that should concern us is
perhaps the big question. That time is relative is easily forgotten
when what we cherish ends. An ending is an ending and it comes to soon
or too late. If 3 minutes seem short to you ask a boxer what 3 minutes
are like for him in the ring. Every moment has in it, eternity.

At its heart love entails suffering. It is why most people are averse
to it and are unable to do it because in this day and age forget
suffering people don't want to even be uncomfortable. Because it hurts
to love and will continue to hurt, otherwise it would not be love it
would be pleasure. Love versus pleasure, have you ever thought about
the difference? Pleasure is abound but to truly love someone entails
that one is ready to suffer. If we are courageous enough to confront
suffering we will be on the threshold of what it means to live and
love. Or perhaps a possibility of living, because life can have many
meanings of which love is one. One can also choose fear, hate, anger,
obsession to fill that void in life and life will accordingly shift to
what you choose to be and live. It is the vehicle and you are the
driver with your values, priorities and judgements. Is love just that
good warm feeling as your lover looks into your eyes, caresses your
hair and says "I love you". It has to be more than mere escape and a
need for security.

Love is when someone loves and accepts the most difficult in a person,
allows themselves to be challenged, to change, to understand oneself
though the existence of another.

That is love for me. What is love for you?


Kudo_Kenshin said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anonymous said...

"One went to the door of the Beloved and
knocked. A voice asked, 'Who is there?'
He answered, 'It is I.'
The voice said, 'There is no room for Me and Thee.'
The door was shut.

After a year of solitude and deprivation he returned and knocked.
A voice from within asked, 'Who is there?'
The man said, 'It is Thee.'
The door was opened for him."

-- Jelaluddin Rumi

M said...

G, looking forward to it. Like some of the thoughts in your post. But I don't think the opposite of love is fear (or hate, which might be the same thing...), although Jesus might disagree. The opposite of fear might be peace, or even better, it might be faith or hope (which might be the same thing, and both might be the same thing as love...), who knows.
I was just thinking about this the other day and thought Elie Wiesel put it well:

"The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference.

The opposite of art is not ugliness, it's indifference.

The opposite of faith is not heresy, it's indifference.

And the opposite of life is not death, it's indifference."

Anonymous said...

Baby, you're due.